Be yourself, more

by Paul Goodchild on February 17, 2010

Be Bolder!

After reading the post on Steve Pavlina’s site on how to build a stronger ego, I realised that he was speaking directly to some of the concerns I’d been having recently.  I’ve talked a lot about the ego, and how it is a force in our lives that we do well to recognise.  Eckhart Tolle deals with the subject at great length in his books and I found them to be very beneficial in teaching me recognise the ego in the things that I do, say, and think.  But…

…the more I tried to weaken the ego, the more I weakened my personality.  I felt nearing the end of last year that there was something wrong, and I was questioning who I really was and where my spark had gone.  I read the post referenced above and it clicked.  While working to free myself from some of the problems that come from having a powerful ego of which you’re not conscious, I was eroding my personality since if you come right down to it, who you are is exhibited through your ego.

The ego-less downside

In no way, as Steve talks about, do I go about attacking people who appear to be more ego-driven than me, since that flies in the face of ego-less being.  I live very much with a live-and-let-live attitude – you do it your way, and I’ll do it mine.  I will talk about my ideas and position freely if it comes up in discussion, but I wont ever tell you that your approach is wrong.

I feel now that by going as far as I have to try and remove the influence that a powerful ego has on your everyday life I have achieved a sense of freedom that I couldn’t otherwise have gained.  I’ve very aware of who I really am, very clear (at least for the moment) of what I want from life and generally live with a high degree of integrity, since there’s little confusion in my mind of my values.  Until now, my belief was that by weakening my ego, the real me would shine through, but this is not the case since to take it to the level advocated in the likes of the Power of Now, there is no way to display your self to the world.

If you cannot show your personality because you it’s considered to be just your ego on over-drive then you cannot be or show yourself.  I realised that I was stifling myself by not expressing my opinions or desires quite often enough.  I wasn’t permitting myself to experiment in some areas of my life because somehow I managed to relate it back to the ego and therefore prohibit it.  By being the nice guy next door who didn’t exert a strong influence because of a watery identity no-one can see who I really am.  And that sucks.

Building a bigger me

I think the clarity I have gained about the real me, that underlies the persona I present to the world, is invaluable.  As I said before, I am very clear about that.  I can see easily now when I’m attaching to things that hold no value except to protect my ego from damage and make it feel a bit better.  My happiness, on a day-to-day basis, is not founded on transient things that offer me no value whatsoever.  I’m trying to keep in focus those things that are important to me, and realise why that is so.  Such things are typically people… friends, family, lovers.  Being attached to my possessions, beliefs, habits, ideas, plans, popularity is ultimately a futile effort.  At the same time however, I’m realising the value in building up a personality that is much stronger than it is now and reflects my current values more clearly.  I need to permit myself more flexibility in showing my friends and family who I am, being much more honest about this and being ready for the ultimate acceptance and rejection by those who know me.

As is the usual conclusion, it’s all about the balance.  Recognising the ego and it’s influence over our lives is a very worthwhile endeavour and one that I’m not finished with.  But it’s important to remember that there is absolutely nothing wrong with putting who you are on display and living a bold, colourful life.

Please feel free to add your comments, and even better, share this post with other people you know using the links provided below.  You may also find related and similar posts in the ‘Related Posts’ section, also found below. Thank you!


{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Felix May 28, 2010 at 20:49

Oh hey Nong Khai, I recognize it..great place 😉


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