When sometimes who you are just isn’t enough

by Paul Goodchild on March 27, 2014

We all know that finding “the one” is hard, but that’s just the start of the hard.

You can stand confident in your own skin; you can know who you are; you can know who you want; but sometimes it doesn’t work out anyway.

Why is that?

Why does it implode even when it seems that random chance and the planets have all aligned to present you with an sweet opportunity?

As we all already know, there’s more than a few factors that give any relationship the green light or not.

There’s the timing, for one… probably the largest factor responsible for tossing budding romances into the toilet.

All you can do is put your best foot forward…

So how do you do that?

Make the right choice and then keep on keeping on

I listened to a recording of Tony Robbins last year that addressed the thinking and strategies behind how we can find a partner that fits us.

And one thing he stated was that the most important factor in any relationship, and finding the “right” person, comes at the start, before absolutely anything else happens.

It all comes down to what you choose.

So simple… yes, I know. But that’s what Tony Robbins does – he articulates the obvious stuff that we all blissfully try to ignore.

By “what you choose”, I mean criteria.

If you know what you’re looking for, you know what you need in a partner, and you can eliminate “potentials” based on your criteria, when it finally comes down to choosing someone, they’re going to right up your alley!

You at the least know you’ve picked someone that meets your absolute must-haves, and the relationship’s going to have a fighting chance.

But that’s really where any direct control of the relationship ends.

Sure, you or your partner can be a complete dick and it’ll all go sour quickly enough, but let’s just say you’re not.  Let’s say you go all in and do the best that you can.

That’s really all you can do.

If it works, you win.  You both win. If it doesn’t, then oddly enough… you still win (though it wont feel like that at the time).

You always win

Okay, the BS meter is in the danger zone – how can I say you always win, even after you’ve clearly just lost?

You’ve now established a pattern for the future, and set a new higher standard for you and your relationships. You strictly choose only those people that fit you, and you don’t squeeze square people into round holes.

You don’t make excuses for someone if they’re clearly not what you want. They’re perhaps chronic whiners, or have a value system that came from Mars, or they work too much, or they’re broke, or, or, or …

Stop fucking making excuses. If you don’t like something from day 1, you’re not going to love it after day 30.

And no, you can’t change them.

If you got someone that fit you, and the feeling was mutual, then the chances are high that you had a fecking great time while it lasted.  Win! Right?

For whatever reason it all didn’t work out, at least you’ve narrowed down a little further exactly what you want.  You saw things that you liked, and things that you didn’t, and you’re better focused for the next time.

The cause of the ultimate breakup is likely a factor out of your control – again, assuming you’re not a complete dick.  If you went all-in on it, you’re probably not a happy person at the end when it breaks apart, but you’ll know that you chose well, and did all what you could.

Sometimes who you are isn’t enough – and that’s really okay

Don’t worry, it’s okay to not be enough for someone – they have their criteria too. And it’s also okay to feel that someone else isn’t enough for you.

After all, would you want to be with someone who doesn’t meet your needs, and perhaps even worse, not meet the needs of the other person yourself?

No fucking way.

So put your best foot forward, know what you want, choose consciously, ride out any storms that crop up, and be proud of yourself if it lasts, and even more so for trying when it doesn’t.

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