{"id":1808,"date":"2011-02-06T19:06:04","date_gmt":"2011-02-06T19:06:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/paulgoodchild.net\/blog\/?p=1808"},"modified":"2011-11-23T00:49:24","modified_gmt":"2011-11-23T00:49:24","slug":"self-discipline-tips-balance-in-your-favour","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/paulgoodchild.me\/blog\/self-discipline-tips-balance-in-your-favour\/","title":{"rendered":"Self-Discipline tips the balance in your favour"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Bruce Lee: A shining example of self-discipline if ever there was one [image credit<\/a>]<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Self-discipline – it will make or break you.<\/p>\n

It’s what separates the wheat from the chaff.\u00a0 It doesn’t matter the choices you make, as long as you stick to your guns and do whatever’s in your power to bring about your ultimate goals.<\/p>\n

Without it, you stagnate.\u00a0 You can have the grandest dreams in the world, or the simplest.\u00a0 But if you don’t have the balls to marry to it and do what it takes to realise it, it’s never going to happen.<\/p>\n

The alternative is a path of doubt and questioning<\/a>, which can lead you to lose direction, motivation, confidence, self-esteem and focus in all areas of your life.\u00a0 I’m aware of this right now as I’m coming out the other side of a 4~5 month slump.<\/p>\n

Self-discipline keeps you moving towards your goals.\u00a0 Its enemy is self-doubt.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Doubt and the Danger of Negatively Questioning Your Choices<\/h2>\n

A temporary lack of direction makes you question your choices with an implied negative response<\/em>.\u00a0 I.e. You wonder why you’ve done what you’ve done, implying all the while that you perhaps you shouldn’t have done it.<\/p>\n

Not good.<\/p>\n

Picture the scene.\u00a0 It’s a beautiful evening and I’m on a first-date (okay okay. me? … on a date.\u00a0 I know it’s a little far-fetched, but let your inner fairy magic you off to Never Never Land for a moment.\u00a0 And don’t pretend you don’t have an inner fairy.\u00a0 We’ve all got one, right?\u00a0 Right?)<\/p>\n

Her<\/strong>: “This is a lovely place.\u00a0 Thank you for inviting me.\u00a0 So eh, what do you do?”<\/p>\n

Me<\/strong>: “I’m not working on anything right now.\u00a0 Sometimes I write a blog, and in the past I travelled and volunteered, and worked in IT.”<\/p>\n

“So… you’re not working at the moment?”<\/p>\n

“That’s right… More wine?”<\/p>\n

“Sure.\u00a0 How’d you get here tonight?”<\/p>\n

“I took the train in.”<\/p>\n

“Don’t you have your own car?”<\/p>\n

“Well, er, no, I don’t.\u00a0 I’m on the insurance of my dad’s car though.”<\/p>\n

“Your dad’s car?\u00a0 Hah!\u00a0 Next you’ll tell me you live with your parents or something!”\u00a0 *giggle*<\/p>\n

“Er… yea… I do.”<\/p>\n

*giggling stops*<\/p>\n

“Oh. What age are you again?<\/p>\n

“I’m 31.”<\/p>\n

….<\/p>\n

“More wine?”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

So right now, I’m 31, I live with my parents, I don’t have a job, and I don’t have my own car.<\/p>\n

When I put it like this, comparing myself with the social norm of work-3-cars-marriage-house-babies, the brain chatter goes into melt-down mode…<\/p>\n

I’m not married yet!\u00a0 I don’t even have a girlfriend.\u00a0 I need to find a girl.\u00a0 Get married.\u00a0 Then I wont be alone any more.\u00a0 I gotta buy a house too.\u00a0 Then we’ll have kids.\u00a0 But I don’t want kids yet, I want to travel.\u00a0 I gotta find a chick that wants to travel.\u00a0 How do I do that?\u00a0 I want to travel now.\u00a0 Does my nose look big on a side profile?\u00a0 While I’m here though, I’ll get a car so I can drive into town and meet people.\u00a0 Meet women.\u00a0 Girls want a man who has a car at least.\u00a0 But I’m not planning to stick around anyway!\u00a0 So what am I doing here now then?\u00a0 Did I make a mistake quitting my job and leaving Japan?\u00a0 But how will I earn money if I travel all the time?\u00a0 What about my volunteer\/NGO aspirations?\u00a0 Have I sold myself out?\u00a0 Did I mention I want to travel?\u00a0 My nose does look big! Oooh, they’re looking for IT staff there.\u00a0 Hmmm, a job.\u00a0 Perhaps I should just settle down;\u00a0 for a while.\u00a0 I can move on any time.\u00a0 I can quit the job any time I like.\u00a0 Just one more job.\u00a0 It’ll be my last, I promise!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And soon I’m starting to sound like a crack addict.<\/p>\n

Striking the Balance between Evaluating and Questioning<\/h2>\n

I touched upon losing motivation<\/a> a little while back.\u00a0 I was torn between wanting to run\/do\/start my own business and travelling\/volunteering.\u00a0 But I couldn’t decide where to focus, so I did neither, and stagnated.<\/p>\n

Whoops.<\/p>\n

It’s no problem to review what you’ve done and pick out lessons you can learn.\u00a0 Discovering how you might improve or what you can take out of the experiences is key to growth after all.<\/p>\n

But doubting yourself and your decisions, regretting the actions you’ve taken based on the consequences and the circumstances you find yourself in, will hold you back from your goals.<\/p>\n

This is true for the future also.\u00a0 Doubting yourself before you even make decisions marries you to inaction.\u00a0 This gradually erodes your self-confidence and ultimately your ability to assert your true self in your own life.<\/p>\n

Better to practice making decisions and sucking up the consequences even if they turn out to be disastrous.\u00a0 Making poorly judged decisions is better than making none at all.<\/p>\n

Self-discipline will make or break you<\/h2>\n

And it turns out, I’m a bit shit at self-discipline.<\/p>\n

I used to be better, but even when I look back with honest appraisal, I’ve always been terrible at it – unless I’ve been highly leveraged and motivation comes easily.<\/p>\n

By not having the familiar structure of, say…<\/p>\n

work 9~5, come home, greet my wife\/girlfriend, play with kids, have an argument, brush my teeth, have make-up sex, sleep, get up at an ungodly hour of the morning to go to a job I can barely stand, tolerate the office politics, try to get ahead<\/a>, come home, greet my wife…<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

… it forces upon you the responsibility getting things done.\u00a0 Your routine is not determined by any external schedule.\u00a0 It’s up to you.<\/p>\n

It’s all you.<\/p>\n

So how to keep to the script; to maintain some semblance of self-discipline?<\/p>\n

How to improve your self-discipline<\/h2>\n

There is no over-night fix for this.<\/p>\n

Whatever you read, whatever you believe, this isn’t going to go away on it’s own, or without sustained perseverance on your part.<\/p>\n

Take what I write below and apply it relative to your situation.\u00a0 Not everything will be appropriate, and not everything will be your style.<\/p>\n