{"id":2401,"date":"2011-04-13T13:15:42","date_gmt":"2011-04-13T12:15:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/paulgoodchild.net\/blog\/?p=2401"},"modified":"2011-12-14T20:09:08","modified_gmt":"2011-12-14T20:09:08","slug":"we-teach-people-how-to-treat-us-when-we-dont-we-must-fight","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/paulgoodchild.me\/blog\/we-teach-people-how-to-treat-us-when-we-dont-we-must-fight\/","title":{"rendered":"We teach people how to treat us"},"content":{"rendered":"

My nature is passive. I dislike aggression, antagonism, and confrontation.\u00a0 Some people thrive off of it. Fighting is part of who they are – they take no shit.\u00a0 When they’re pushed, they fight back.\u00a0 There is no “corner”, they just fight.<\/p>\n

I prefer to keep the peace, rather than arouse someone’s ire. There are limits of course, certain lines that when crossed, I must fight.\u00a0 But I’m not any different to anyone else -we all have our values that determine whether something is either acceptable, tolerable, or intolerable.<\/p>\n

I haven’t been forced into an unacceptable position for a long time, but yesterday put me there and now I must fight.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Knowing when to fight is half the battle<\/h2>\n

I’m a sucker for peace.\u00a0 If I can take a small hit to maintain a peaceful living environment, I’ll do it.\u00a0 I chalk it up to balance – by giving way on a certain point here and there, I keep my life and my mind at peace.<\/p>\n

Pick your battles.\u00a0 Or they’ll pick you.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Unfortunately this mistakenly teaches people they can get away with whatever they want so when the push back comes, the resulting fight is much harder and harsher on everyone involved.<\/p>\n

Money makes people stupid<\/h2>\n

I’ve worked hard to be able to quickly release frustrations to keep my mind clearer and calmer.\u00a0 Sure, I get annoyed and sometimes my temper gets the better of me, but this is much less often.<\/p>\n

In light of this, my ability to resist peoples’ bullshit has atrophied. I get away with this because I limit whose company I keep – my bullshit-o-meter is very finely tuned. But as I wrote when I started travelling again<\/a>, I am trying to be more open about this.<\/p>\n

This allowed me to walk naively into a housing agreement without taking basic precautions. I didn’t properly understand the situation beforehand didn’t put any written agreements in place .<\/p>\n

Whoops.<\/p>\n

To all who read this: verbal agreements are worth the same as your flatulence – they have no financial bearing on your life whatsoever.<\/p>\n

Money makes people stupid – they lose medium-long term perspective.\u00a0 My landlady is worried about the money she can get from me today, not that I might feel comfortable enough to stay longer and secure the rent for 3 months instead of 1.<\/p>\n

Consider this example: I can give you \u00a310 today, or you can wait 6 months and I’ll give you \u00a3100.\u00a0 While the situations where this choice is made are not normally laid out quite so plainly, many will chose the \u00a310.<\/p>\n

Lessons to (re)learned about human nature<\/h2>\n

Give someone an inch and they’ll take a mile.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

There’s more than 1 nugget of truth in that.<\/p>\n

When you give way on a finer point in a relationship that is not the end.\u00a0 You can now assume that that person now understands when they push, you pull – i.e. you wont offer resistance.<\/p>\n

You teach people how to treat you.<\/p>\n

– Dr. Phil<\/a>.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I’ve lost count how many times I’ve quoted this to friends when they needed to hear it… but advice is easily prescribed.<\/p>\n

I taught my landlady that she can change the rules of the tenancy and I’ll acquiesce.\u00a0 She just went too far eventually, and here I am writing about lessons learned, in a McDonalds with free WiFi because there’s is no longer internet access at home.<\/p>\n

We teach people how to treat us. This is true for every relationship we have. By giving way on small points, people learn where our limits are and will push against those limits.<\/p>\n

Then we must fight if we don’t like where our limits have been set.<\/p>\n

What do you think?<\/em><\/p>\n

Is it better to fight back from the beginning?\u00a0 What have you lost or gained from resisting sooner, or not resisting at all?\u00a0 Can all things be worked out “peacefully”, or is a certain amount of resistance necessary?\u00a0 Please fee\u00a0 l free to leave your comments below.\u00a0 Thanks!
\n<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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