No One Is Coming…

by Paul Goodchild on February 25, 2012

Empty Lifeguard Tower

No one is coming to the rescue this time

I’m re-reading a great book at the moment: How To Raise Your Self-Esteem.

It’s a quality read, and even people who believe they have a great self-esteem could benefit from it.

The latest chapter, ‘Living Consciously’, has a simple, but fantastic line in it.

Here’s a quote from the book:

…the most radical transformation occurs after the clients’ realization that no one is coming to the rescue.

and another:

Self-responsibility, rationally conceived, is indispensable to good self-esteem. Avoiding self-responsibility victimizes us with regard to our own lives. It leaves us helpless. We give power to everyone except ourselves. When we are frustrated, we look for someone to blame; others are at fault for our unhappiness. By contrast, the appreciation of self-responsibility can be an exhilarating and empowering experience. It places our lives back in our own hands.

No one is coming to the rescue…

If you are having problems right now in any context in your life, and they are rooted in a low self-esteem, they are never going to get “fixed” until you take the matter into your own hands.

Sure, you can blame it on your mummy and daddy, or your boyfriend/girlfriend, or whomever else is around to take the flack, but you’re stuck with those negative feelings until you die.

Not a fun way to live out your days.

Admitting responsibility is the hardest part

There’s no doubt in my mind the hardest part to improving your well-being and happiness is admitting to yourself that you must be the one responsible to attain it.

If you find yourself denying what you’ve just read, you need to take a moment and think it over a little more. Don’t dismiss it.

If this concept is new, and it’s not enough to scare the shit out of you, then I don’t know what would be.

Your friends, brother, mother, girlfriend, boyfriend, boss, colleagues can all help you, sure, but they are not the ones at fault for how you feel.

And your situation won’t magically get better when…

  • you’re older
  • you have a girl/boyfriend
  • you get a new job
  • you save X,000,000 amount of money
  • you get a bigger home

No. You have to just get stuck into it.

I recognised last year I needed to do something about my deteriorating self-esteem.

I couldn’t continue to battle back and forth with the anger and frustration I was feeling towards several areas of my life.

I had to break the pattern. And I did.

It’s a slow process but there’s progress. This book, along with other resources have helped me to refocus and take stock.

I can’t recommend it highly enough.

I could write much more about this topic, but the message should be clear by now:

Things will only be better when you take on the responsibility make them so.

[image credit]

  • catherine

    Challenging but eventually rewarding is this struggle towards self-acceptance and self-responsibility! It should be taken more seriously since it helps make life for those around one more peaceful and blissful.
    “Being conscious” ( or at least trying) is a good start, though 🙂
    Cheers for sharing this insight!

    • Glad you like the insight – though it’s not quite mine 🙂
      And yep, it’s certainly rewarding and hard work… but worth it, eh!

      Thanks for the comment!

  • agreed. confronting the past is constructive only to the extent we learn our lessons, we can blame everyone around us but ultimately we need to take responsibility for our actions and decisions, and move on 🙂

    NOch Noch

    • Confronting the past… actually there’s a chapter in the same book about that and exercises it suggests are highly revealing. That could be my next article topic 🙂

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